"Exploring the Complex Decision: Should Autistic Individuals Mask Their True Selves?"

To wear a Mask?

This weekend I was at the Christening of my Godson, Max. My best mate’s friends and family were there and, for the first time that I can remember, I was making a conscious decision to mask my autistic traits. I was being mindful of what I said, who I was speaking to and purposefully avoiding any attempts at being funny. Why did I decide, now of all times to put on a mask?

People online often describe themselves as “high masking”. They describe how exhausting they find masking all of the time. Yet, they still persist in consciously masking whenever they are in social situations. What are the benefits of masking?

Firstly, we need to define what masking is. It is, in the most basic form, a conscious or unconscious attempt by an autistic person to hide their neurodivergence by acting in a manner that supresses or hides their autism. It is a strategy that allows an autistic individual to blend into their environment and not stand out as different.

By doing this the autistic person follows the social norms, as best as they can identify them, and be accepted in social situations. They do not mention their special interests, they pay strict attention to eye contact, they make sure they follow conversational turn taking rules, they do not stim or adapt stimming so that it is unseen – shaking a leg under a desk, for example.

Since my own diagnosis and the diagnosis of my child, I have only heard that you shouldn’t mask. You should be proud of the person you are and that society needs to accept you as an individual and not the other way around. Until this weekend, I cannot remember a time where I have consciously masked. I am sure I have done so subconsciously several times but since these were unconscious then I don’t remember them.

I have gotten in to so much trouble because I have not masked in previous work situations. Mainly because I did not know that I needed to. I was just pure, undiluted me. Which is fine for me but not so much for everyone else. It led to reprimands, censure, suspensions and resignations. When I start a new role then I need to make sure that I wear the mask firmly because I am so tired of things going wrong. I am tired of awkward conversations with management and I am tired of constantly feeling like I am failing. Just for once I want to be a benefit and not a burden.

With masking however, comes a lot of negative consequences. It is exhausting on a physical and cognitive level. You have to concentrate on every aspect of your behaviour in a way that non-autistic do not feel uncomfortable. Why should we, as autistic people, have to adapt to a world not built for us? Surely, the world should adapt to us. You would not ask a wheelchair user to work on the eight floor of an office block without providing them a lift. Why do you expect people with social difficulties to do similar?

Masking can also cause depression and a loss of self. If you spend too much time masking then you are denying your real self, you can lose the idea of who you are. It can also destroy a person’s self-esteem as what they perceive as being their identity isn’t good enough.

It comes down to a person by person and case by case basis. I know I need to improve my mask in work-based situations. I need to be quieter and not say the first thing that comes to mind. One tool I was shown was counting to five before saying something. It is almost you are damned to exhaustion and feeling like rubbish if you do mask but you can get somewhere in a “career”. Or you can be mentally healthy and unmask and then feel like crap when it all comes crashing down due to saying something stupid to the wrong person. Not a great set of choices is it?