Going Under the Radar by Luke Miller-Ball | Book Review

Going Under the Radar by Luke Miller-Ball

Published by Mabel and Stanley - March, 2024

Genres: Living with Disabilities, Autobiographies

Pages: 307

Format: Paperback

Add to Goodreads

Buy on Amazon

Synopsis

Luke Miller-Ball tells the story of his struggles with his mental health and chronic anxiety. By looking back on the events in his life that have made him the man his is today he shows how undiagnosed Autism Spectrum Condition impacts his every interaction. Told in a thoughtful, honest and relatable manner Miller-Ball's story is a plea to treat all people with respect and thoughtfulness.

They are some incredibly famous stories about how suffering from depression can impact every aspect of a person’s life. For example, Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel and The Bell Jar by Slyvia Plath. These delve into the endless sadness, suicidal ideation, reclusiveness and social impact of a mental health illnesses. Neither of these novels detail the author’s battle with Autism Spectrum Disorder and how that exacerbates all of the mental battles with social and communication difficulties. It is a very brave thing that the author, Miller-Ball, has done.

In ‘Going Under the Radar’ Miller-Ball goes through the key events of his life reflecting on how his mental health battles and undiagnosed autism have made life difficult.

It could easily be three hundred and seven pages of navel gazing ‘oh sad me’ style writing but it isn’t. Throughout his story he comes across as a kind man who constantly fights to see the best in people. In any situation Miller-Ball finds himself in he gives it his all. This positivity, against the backdrop of his depression, generalised anxiety and agoraphobia, makes the reader sympathise with him and I genuinely left the book thinking that he is a really nice man. That might sound like damning with faint praise, but it truly isn’t. To go through the issues and the rejections and hurt that he details in the book and still be decent, likeable and honest is no small achievement and it is something to be highly praised and admired.

Initials are used to name people that Miller-Ball meets, to protect privacy, which I found to be considerate. I did however find it confusing at times especially when a set of siblings had the same initials. Some aspects of his experience he holds back on and will often not provide enough detail for a reader who doesn’t know him personally. I would have liked a greater depth of detail on an emotional level as well. I ended up asking what did that feel like? Or what actually happened in certain situations? I think as his first book Miller-Ball has done an amazing job at starting the conversation about mental health and autism and I would really like to read more of his work with more depth and details. Miller-Ball is clearly a capable and impactful writer.

As it is a self-published book they are some issues with typos and formatting errors which, if given to a professional editor, might have been taken out. These things are only really noticed by a pedantic English teacher like me and they did not deter me from reading on which is a very good sign for me. His writing is at its best, ironically, when he describes humans at their worst. The reader gets a real sense of how Miller-Ball's hurt, self-recrimination and despair for the human race really have an impact on him. His hyper-empathy means that he feels everything on an almost cellular level. The news brings him to tears and his friends being upset hurts him more than if he was to be hurt. The amount he cares for, and loves, his friends and family is commendable. The book is full of words of praise for others. People have a special place in his heart, and he is clearly proud of his families’ achievements and they are people he will remember forever. I just wish that he could be as generous and kind to himself.

Miller-Ball shows, time and again, his courage as he takes massive leaps into the unknown. For people with Autism change and the uncertainty this creates considerable anxiety. Yet, he works in Camp America for a summer and even as an entertainer in a holiday camp. I know, from personal experience, how daunting performing in front of people can be yet, he did this every day, and night, for six months. He talks about his fear and the support he received from his work "family". You cannot help but admire Miller-Ball's bravery and determination for doing this. I wouldn't do it. At all. Ever.

Miller-Ball also delves into the problems with autistic people and keeping a job. He finds managing work extremely difficult. Which is something I really related to. Many people on the spectrum find navigating the world of work difficult due to the unwritten social rules and cognitive demands. Miller-Ball talks highlights how he leaves work both emotionally and physically exhausted. Another factor that causes him pain is the shallow nature of work place friendships. You are close while you have the common factor of work to bond you but once that is over then the friendship is also done. Because Miller-Ball feels things very deeply - which is a lovely trait to have - this connection and disconnect leaves him feeling abandoned and increases his loneliness and to be open about this is again, commendable.

The worst feature of Miller-Ball's "hyper-empathy" is when his family members pass away. He describes eloquently how this hits him like a hammer blow and is felt all the more keenly because of his Autism. He makes this poignantly evident when a close friend dies. In these sections I felt genuine sympathy for Miller-Ball and it broke my heart - a sign of a well written emotional narrative. For me, this section could have done with more detail but whether that is better for the narrative or my own morbid curiosity, I don't know. I understand that writing this section must have been extremely painful for Miller-Ball, and his desire to be respectful over rode this. I think his way was the better one.

I found a lot of similarities between Miller-Ball's own version of autism and my own. The same feelings of never fitting in, persistent loneliness, struggles and work and being a proud member of the pull your shirt over your nose club are all things that I can relate to. I have also suffered from poor mental health throughout my life and, for me and Miller-Ball, the realisation that we are autistic did act like a "weight" had been lifted.

I think that, for readers not on the spectrum, this book provides a fascinating insight into the struggles and challenges faced by autistic people.

One other thing that is worth mentioning is how Miller-Ball's story shows the every day bravery of people with mental health issues. Often, memoirs are written by famous people wanting to make a quick buck and they miss out the ordinary bravery of every day life. Miller-Ball shows that by being, on the surface, ordinary you can be extraordinary and an expert by experience.

'Going Under the Radar' is by no means the perfect book but it was a fascinating and enlightening read. I left it feeling that Miller-Ball’s bravery and honesty should be commended. The book does have enough to recommend it to others who want to learn what life can be like for a person on the spectrum. I would hope Miller-Ball writes a follow up and is able to provide a little more detail on events. An editor would also shut up the pedantic English Teacher in me. Miller-Ball comes across as a genuine, kind and clearly loved person without an arrogant or humble braggy tone. And the testimonials at the end (a lovely touch that I haven’t seen before) from his friends and family confirm as much. I genuinely hope that he can meet the partner that he longs for, that he can find work suitable to him and, more than anything, I hope that he is content and proud of this achievement.